Rejoice, you people of Jerusalem! Rejoice in the Lord your God! For the rain he sends demonstrates his faithfulness. Once more the autumn rains will come, as well as the rains of spring.
Joel 2:23
Dear God, I always talk about using peace as my litmus test for how I’m doing with you. Well, I’m apparently not doing well at the moment. I feel overwhelmed by both the amount of work I have to do and the problems I have to solve. I feel anxious about your provision. I sat down last night to start to work on next year’s budget for where I work, and even though you have provided financially and materially through great staff, I find myself being fearful about where the provision will come from next year. I talk a good game and I think people see the different fruits of the Spirit in me, but I’ll bet anyone who really knows me and were to talk to me now would see that peace isn’t there like it should be.
So what am I doing wrong? I’m spending daily time with you in prayer. I’m mixing in some praise and worship. I talk about you to others and I am quick to give you credit for all of the good things you have done this year. But you know what I’m not doing? I’m not trusting you for this moment and the next. I’m trying to solve it all myself. I’m trying to take you place in my life and, ultimately, the glory that you deserve for myself. I am not a humble man. As I look at our organization’s needs for next year, both in terms of services we offer and the resources we collect, my first thoughts are around how I will go out and put this all together and not how you will do it.
Then there is the work in front of me that I have to get done. I am simply pressing too hard and trying to get all of this done in my own strength. I can feel myself conjuring up the energy to do it, and it is exhausting. I’m being manic when I should simply be resting in you and working as unto you.
Father, help me to not try to be you. Help me to let go of my desire to supplant you and to take your glory. Let your kingdom come and your will be done on earth as it is in heaven through my life in any way that you wish. Give me the strength you need me to have, give us the resources you need us to have, and when I am talking to someone who might partner with us, help me to do it from the perspective of it being about blessing them instead of blessing me. Oh, and I’m sorry for how I’ve been acting.
In Jesus’s name I pray,
Amen
Emails to God 