The sons of Noah who came out of the boat with their father were Shem, Ham, and Japheth. (Ham is the father of Canaan.) From these three sons of Noah came all the people who now populate the earth. After the flood, Noah began to cultivate the ground, and he planted a vineyard. One day he drank some wine he had made, and he became drunk and lay naked inside his tent. Ham, the father of Canaan, saw that his father was naked and went outside and told his brothers. Then Shem and Japheth took a robe, held it over their shoulders, and backed into the tent to cover their father. As they did this, they looked the other way so they would not see him naked. When Noah woke up from his stupor, he learned what Ham, his youngest son, had done. Then he cursed Canaan, the son of Ham: “May Canaan be cursed! May he be the lowest of servants to his relatives.” Then Noah said, “May the Lord, the God of Shem, be blessed, and may Canaan be his servant! May God expand the territory of Japheth! May Japheth share the prosperity of Shem, and may Canaan be his servant.”
Genesis 9:18-27
Dear God, this has always been a hard story for me. Even when I was a child and I first read it, I’ve never liked it. But for the purposes of this series on motherhood and fatherhood, I think it’s an important story to sit with.
We have a few things happening here. First, there is a passage of time–enough to grow grapes and then ferment them into wine. This obviously wasn’t an immediate process. There was time for them to have struggled together. The struggled through building the ark. They struggled through the experience of the ark. Now, they’ve struggled through the reestablishment of life. Did hard feelings develop over that time?
The thing I see now is Ham relishing in the idea of mocking his father. Knocking him down a peg or two. “Hey, guys. Wanna see dad drunk off his a** and naked on the ground?”
I think most fathers of children after a certain age have felt, at least once, the disdain and bitterness from a child. As much as children might experience rejection at the hands of their father or mother, mothers and fathers have felt rejection from their parents. Sometimes, the division seems insurmountable. I’ve certainly been there. I can see my children, especially when they were teens, enjoying the experience of mocking me and taking me down a peg. And I can see me lashing out in anger as Noah does.
I’ve never liked Noah’s response to Ham. It feels too harsh–especially to Canaan. But as I sit and think about this, what is a good way to hurt the son who’s hurt you? You hurt his son. From a list of Ham’s children later, I’m assuming Canaan wasn’t the oldest because he’s listed last (Genesis 10:6), but maybe he was the youngest and Ham’s favorite at the time. I don’t think this was about poor Canaan. It was about causing Ham as much pain as possible in the moment.
We never really get any resolution to this story. Noah lived another 350 years after the flood. What were those like between Ham and Noah? Canaan and Noah? Canaan and his dad, Ham? Did they ever reconcile? And why did the author give us this story? Was it to explain a superiority of their lineage over the Canaanites?
When it comes to my own life, how do I respond to my children’s disrespect and/or anger? The ugly truth is that the answer is all over the map. Sometimes I’ve actually responded in love. Sometimes I’ve given them the freedom to work through their feelings of me and waited for them to mature and see things (and me) a little differently. Sometimes! Most of the time, unfortunately, I’ve responded as Noah did–impetuous anger. It can be hard to see myself reflected in this story that I’ve never liked.
Father, help me to respect and honor my parents and my wife’s parents (living and dead). Help me to love them with your love. Help me to see them with your eyes. And with my children, help me to patiently love them as they grow. Help me to see myself through their eyes and respond to them in mercy. Help me to reveal your character to them through my responses to them. Draw them closer to yourself. Please don’t let me do anything to get in the way of your plan for them through my own foolishness, selfishness, or insecurity.
In Jesus’s name I pray,
Amen