23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 Point out anything in me that offends you,
and lead me along the path of everlasting life.
Psalm 139:23-24
Dear God, I love these verses, and I want to dig in to the word “anxious” at the end of 23, but before I get there, I have to say that, as great as this psalm is, there is part of it that I really don’t like. Namely, verses 19-22:
19 O God, if only you would destroy the wicked!
Get out of my life, you murderers!
20 They blaspheme you;
your enemies misuse your name.
21 O Lord, shouldn’t I hate those who hate you?
Shouldn’t I despise those who oppose you?
22 Yes, I hate them with total hatred,
for your enemies are my enemies.
What? Where did this come from? When I read these words I think about how each of us deserves what David wishes you would deliver to your enemies. We have all been wicked. We have all blasphemed. We have all made ourselves your enemies. If you start drawing a line between those who are blameless and those are are wicked, I think David might be surprised to find himself on the other side of your cut line.
But I digress. What I really want to talk about is the phrase “anxious thoughts.” I looked at some different translations to see if they used the word “anxious.” The NIV, NASB1995, and NLT used the word. The KJV and ESV just said “thoughts.” No knowing how the translating works, I am going to just keep the word “anxious” and think about that.
“Test me and know my anxious thoughts.” All of the translations either use “Test” or “Try” at the beginning of the line. It reminds me of what I heard at an FCA conference when I was in high school. The speaker said (paraphrasing), “Just like when you squeeze a sponge and what inside comes out, when we are tested and pressed, what’s inside of us will come out too.” If we can take a moment in those times, either in real time or in retrospect, and prayerfully look at what came out, both in our actions and our “anxious thoughts,” maybe we can learn about something for which we need to repent and from which we need to grow and change.
Father, point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.
In Jesus’s name I pray,
Amen